My husband and I have been married for more than 27 years. I can’t believe it’s been that long. Time has flown by. It really does seem like yesterday when we were two love-struck grad students in a one-room apartment in Raleigh, NC. Then I think about the three houses we’ve lived in, five vehicles we’ve owned, and all the wild (yet wonderful) times we’ve had with our three boys. And that makes me feel my age. But thankfully, I have very few regrets and none about saying ‘I do’ more than two decades ago.
Many people have asked me how we’ve stayed married so long. I’m not a marriage expert by any means. I’ve only had one husband (and I haven’t mastered him yet) but here are some things I’ve figured out along the way (though not in this order):
- Expect change: you will both change as you age, both inside and out. Strive to change for the better, together.
- Know when to ask for help: we all need help sometime. Whether that’s help from a professional maid service or professional marriage counselor. Don’t let your pride drive a wedge in your relationship.
- Deposit more than you withdraw: We all have an invisible ‘love bank’. Seek to put more love and affection into the bank than you take out. Make both little and big deposits but don’t “give to get”.
- Be truthful: Nothing erodes the foundation of a marriage quicker than hiding things from one another.
- Be quick to forgive: Colossians 3:13-14 tells us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Keeping grudges wears you down physically and emotionally.
- Have fun together: Good memories help you make it through the tough times. And there will be tough times, count on it.
A lasting love relationship, to me, is about growing together. It’s about becoming better versions of ourselves as individuals and as a couple. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s work. But it has lasting rewards.
For me and my husband, our relationship with God has been essential to our longevity. It has been His Spirit Who has given us strength in our weakness, beauty for our ashes, and ability to forgive when we felt like giving up.
May He bless you in the same way. If you’ve been married longer than 25 years, what has helped you and your spouse?
Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash
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beautiful post, Linda! This year my husband and I will be celebrating 31 years together. Wow!
I think what helps us is that we laugh a lot, try not to take things too seriously, and we both understand that love is a choice, and one we sometimes need to make daily.
Hi, Jackie. Thanks for dropping by to comment. 31 years! Congrats. Yes, I totally agree. Knowing how to make love a choice is so key… laughter helps. Here’s to a daily dose of that kind of love. Thanks for sharing.
My husband and I will be married 33 years in March. Many of the points points you mentioned have also helped us. For me personally, I have to recognize when to say something or just listen depending on my husbands vibes he is putting off.
Hi Linda! In join hubby and I will be married 46 years. During that time he graduated from seminary, we moved to a new state and back, we moved 11 times, survived a house fire, we had 3 sons, and now 2 grandson and finally 2 adorable granddaughters. I worked full time as a teacher and pastor’s wife and cared for my parents for 15 years. As Jackie state: Love is a choice. We choose to stay together and work out differences. Humor helps. This year hubby will be happily married 23 years, and I have been happily married 23 years. Parishioners used to be puzzled at our statement. Also after he broke a finger and then a foot near by Birthday – he was banned from playing sports in May. From Mother’s thru June 16 (our anniversary), I have my wishes filled. From Father’s Day thru July 28 he has his wishes filled. Compromise, humor and being in it for the long haul. Besides it is to hard to train a new husband. I know what to expect. May you clbrate many more.
Well 23 years for us but I feel without the help of forgiveness and laughter the journey would not of lasted.
33 years married to my husband. Talking and laughing taking walks together.. That’s what helped us. Two beautiful children and 5 beautiful grandchildren. We tell each other every night before we go to bed that we love each other!!
My husband and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary this year! It has been a wonderful journey and I hope it continues for many more years to come. We can definitely only give credit for the longevity to the presence of the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ in our lives. We have made many mistakes but have always tried to remember to forgive and ask forgiveness and love each other as Christ loves us.
My husband and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in January. You hit the nail on the head with your post as to the how and why we’ve been able to stay together. If we weren’t saved, I’m sure it would have been much harder and much more work to remain together. But we do strive to let Christ be the head of our home and our lives in general with the Word as a guideline to follow which has been a BIG help. We certainly have gone through many many difficult times through life. There but for the grace of God go I and without the relationship with Christ we have it makes me wonder how the outcome would have been. Thank you for your post – I enjoyed it so much.
There but for the grace of God, go I…. We also have been married for 27 years and I’m not sure how it happened! When I thought of being married for 25 years as a teenager, I thought that was so incredibly long and only old people reached that milestone. My advice? Lots of prayer. A patient man. And realizing that love ebbs and flows; you may not always FEEL like loving but you keep on DOING it.
What a joy to hear about marriages that last! My husband and I have been married for almost 37 years, and our commitment and love have smoothed the rough years. Praying together makes a difference.
I am a relative newbie at marriage with thirteen years this coming April. Thank you for the advice!
So many wonderful thoughts and comments. For us it has been 41 years. We never had the stress of moving since we live in the same house we started out in. So many good memories here. Looking forward to many more!
Jan, I’m totally impressed and encouraged. You have not only been married 41 years but you’ve been in the same house all that time. That’s how I grew up. I wish I could have been able to give that ‘gift’ to my three boys. Job changes prevented that unfortunately.
Hi, Traci. Thirteen years is nothing to sneeze at. Congrat!
Betty, yes indeed, praying together does make a big difference. Thanks for sharing.
So true, Arletta, it is about the DOING and not all about the FEELING part of love. That’s so important. Thanks for dropping by.
Thanks, Carla. God’s grace and leading has helped us through some tough times too. Praise Him!
We are celebrating our 25th anniversary this year. After 6 kids we learned how easy it can be to fall away from each other. We’ve realized some things are vital to a lasting relationship: be quick to laugh, even quicker to forgive, always available to listen, open to change, and focused on God.
What a wonderful article. Truly you have been blessed in your marriage.
It’s going to be 16 years on February 22 <3
Be quick to forgive – this is the KEY
Blessings!!!!
Amen, Terri.
Thank you, Terri.
I couldn’t have said it better!! We celebrated our 50th last fall and it took lots of give and a little take with plenty of God’s grace and mercy. It’s made us stronger and better. Stay blessed.
Amen, Kathleen. 50 years! That’s great. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Thank you for your post. Cummunicateing with one another is a big factor in a healthy marriage
20 years for us in April, we are so opposite and married at he 38 and me 41, only marriage for us both. We had to work through a lot of stuff before we got married and were apart quite awhile before we finally worked it all out.. I know that helped grow more and more in love each day and stay married.